why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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