As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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