i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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