the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
