I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
