Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
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