That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
