sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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