haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
