Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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