tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
