every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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