I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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