There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
