Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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