I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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