I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
