we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
