Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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