Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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