My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
