Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
