Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize