Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
