i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
