OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
