worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Randomize
