i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
