plz talk dirty to me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Four minutes until I can fart!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize