Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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