I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
