You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
