well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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