all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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