I like my sex mixed with concussions.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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