He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I will be naked everywhere
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
