whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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