i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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