Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
