i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize