I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
