Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Randomize
