It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize