Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
