Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
