This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
