I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
