My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
