My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
