he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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