I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
