I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
