I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
