Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
