No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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