I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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