If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
