At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
