I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
