Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
