I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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