I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
