life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
