Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't think brook has ever known best
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
