trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
