if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I pour the whiskey from now on
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
