I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
