I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
