There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
