And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
