I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
