I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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